Helping Kids Make Things Right – More Than Just Saying “Sorry”

We’ve all been there. Your child snatches a toy, bumps into a friend, or says something unkind. You step in and say, “Say sorry.”

And then?

They freeze. They refuse. Or they mumble a reluctant, barely audible “s’ry.”

It’s frustrating, right? Apologising is a basic social skill—why do some kids resist it so much? And should we force it?

The good news? A forced “sorry” isn’t the only way to teach kindness and accountability. In fact, helping children repair a situation in ways they understand can be even more effective.

Why Some Kids Struggle to Apologise

At a young age, children are still figuring out big concepts like cause and effect, emotions, and responsibility. Here are a few reasons why saying sorry can be tough for them:

🧠 They don’t fully grasp why they need to apologise. Some kids aren’t yet connecting their actions to others’ emotions. “I took the toy, but why is she upset?”

😣 Apologising can feel embarrassing or even scary. A child might feel ashamed or worry they’ll be in trouble, making them shut down instead.

💪 Some kids see apologising as a “loss” of control. Strong-willed children, in particular, may resist saying sorry because it feels like admitting defeat.

So, what’s the alternative? Teaching them that making things right isn’t just about words, it’s about actions.

Apologies vs. Making Amends – What Really Matters?

While a simple “sorry” can be valuable (especially for the child who was hurt), it’s often not the most important part of an apology. The real goal? Helping kids take responsibility in a meaningful way.

💡 A forced “sorry” doesn’t always teach real empathy. A child can say it without actually feeling it.

💡 But making amends (through actions) can help both children feel better.

💡 The ultimate goal? Teaching kids to understand, care, and repair their relationships.

How Parents Can Help Kids “Make Things Right”

Rather than just focusing on getting kids to say sorry, try these approaches to build true empathy and responsibility.

1️⃣ Model What a Real Apology Looks Like

Children learn by watching us. Show them that apologising is about acknowledging feelings, not just saying words.

👉 “I’m sorry I forgot to bring your snack. That must have been frustrating.”

This teaches that apologies are genuine, specific, and caring, not just a reflex.

2️⃣ Help Them Recognise Emotions

Kids don’t always realise when they’ve hurt someone. Help them notice.

👉 “Look at her face. She seems sad because her toy was taken.”

By guiding them to recognise emotions, they naturally develop empathy.

3️⃣ Encourage Making Amends

Instead of demanding an apology, ask: "What can you do to help make things better?"

• Return the toy they took.

• Help fix something they knocked over.

• Give a hug (if the other child is open to it).

These actions carry more meaning than words alone—they help repair relationships in a way kids can truly grasp.

4️⃣ Give Them the Words, When They’re Ready

Some children struggle to find the right words. You can gently offer phrases without forcing them.

👉 “You can say, ‘I didn’t mean to bump into you. Are you okay?’”

This helps them practice meaningful apologies in a safe way.

What If My Child Refuses to Apologise?

It’s okay! Apologising is a learning process, not a battle. Here’s what to do:

✅ Stay calm – Avoid turning it into a power struggle.

✅ Focus on the lesson – Guide them toward understanding emotions and making amends.

✅ Reinforce positive moments – Praise them when they naturally show kindness or responsibility.

With patience, children learn that apologies aren’t just about words. They’re about care, connection, and making things right.

Final Thoughts: Raising Kind and Empathetic Kids

A heartfelt “sorry” is wonderful, but teaching kids to repair relationships is even better. 

By shifting the focus from just words to actions, we help them build lifelong social skills rooted in understanding and kindness.

And over time? 

The words will follow naturally. 💛